Ever since I was old enough to know the days of the week I’ve hated Sundays. I guess that is normal when Sundays signify the end of the weekend and the start of the school/work week the next day, but not so normal when you don’t work and everyday involves the same routine. What are even worse are bank holiday weekends – as I get that awful Sunday feeling twice.
Right up until I became ill with ME I think I just had that normal sense of “Oh, the weekend’s over – bloody school/work again tomorrow.” Now, there is nothing normal about the depth of sadness I feel every Sunday. It was less so during the autumn and winter months but as we creep towards longer days, it is definitely getting worse.
Today is Monday and the week has started. Even though I do not have a job I need to go to, I do have my work to do and my routine to keep to. I woke up feeling fine and have been getting on with what needs to be done and as the week progresses towards the weekend, I’ll feel more and more hopeful and happy, until I crash again on Sunday. I never get the Monday blues, but Sunday, that is a different story.
Why are Sundays so awful? What is it that makes them so devastating? I’m not just talking about feeling glum or sad, but I feel such devastating disappointment and misery; the week before seems like a waste of time and energy and I wonder why I even bothered, and the week ahead seems devoid of any hope or promise. Is it normal to have a depression that lasts just one day a week? The worst part is that I didn’t even see the pattern until my partner commented on it. Poor guy, he must dread Sundays too now all because of me. Since he mentioned it to me a few weeks ago I have been trying to understand what happens with me on Sundays.
I think that for most of the time I can just keep trying and pushing forward with this illness, but for whatever reason, on Sundays I let all the misery in before starting up the fight again on Monday. I can’t decide if I am insane or a genius. Anyway, what I’m going to plan to do every Sunday from now on is something to distract myself; plan something pleasant for each Sunday to try and make myself like Sundays. I don’t know if it will work, but I sure as heck am going to try!
I’m almost scared to ask, but does anyone have any ideas about this awful Sunday feeling or by any chance, does anyone else feel the same?