The ME/CFS Ghost » 1 December 2014

Daily Archives: 1 December 2014

Scaring Myself Stupid!

Horrors-Quote

I love horror – movies, books, ghost stories, personal anecdotes. If it scares, I love it and I’ve been like that for most of my life. I’ve really wanted to have a writing outlet for that online but I’ve not had the energy or time to pursue it. Earlier this year, I decided that rather than wasting my precious health on writing projects I really had little passion for, I would focus on only those topics I was enthusiastic about. I started developing an idea for my own spooky website and I bought the domain name and started organising my collection of horror articles to publish on there. But as is inevitable with an illness like ME, I became ill over summer, and then my dog got ill and passed away in September. I had been hoping to launch the new site long before Halloween, but it soon became apparent that even a Halloween live date was not going to be at all practical.

Well, the last few weeks I’ve been working on building my new site, and it’s been really fun and I don’t think I’ve enjoyed myself in my writing in so long. But there has also been a really unexpected side effect – I’ve been scaring myself stupid! After years and years of watching, reading, listening to and even telling scary stories I really did not believe it was even remotely possible for me to be this spooked. At first I found myself thinking “Well, excellent, if I’m this spooked, hopefully others will be too” but then it changed to me actually feeling uncomfortable and worrying about if I could do the horror thing long term!

The thing is that I am really very good at totally suspending my disbelief. So when I’m researching ghost stories or the true events behind certain horror movies, my over-active imagination gets the better of me. This has always served me well when watching an hour and a half movie, or reading a book, but working long days every day for weeks like this has left me in an irrational state. This weekend was the absolute worst, because I was researching a really horrible story that was the basis of a 2012 horror movie. It actually serves me right for working over the weekend – I should know better than that. So I guess the answer is, yes I can do the horror thing, I’ve just got to make sure I remember to include non-horror activities!

Today I scurried back to the safety of the ME/CFS Ghost and you know what, I’ve had a brilliant day. It was more relaxed and I just read some of my old posts and planned how I want to progress into the future…but that’s a story for tomorrow!

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Daily ME/CFS Ghost

I’ve decided that I’m going to try and post every single day on The ME/CFS Ghost. Now, those of you that also have a chronic illness will fully realise that some days it’s all you can do to turn over in bed, and I know that too. The thing is I started this site two years ago and I’ve really not known what to do with it. Do I try to write informational pieces about ME? Well, there are plenty of websites that can do a much better and thorough job of explaining symptoms than I can, so that’s not really the direction I want to go in. Do I try to make people feel better about being ill? I think that is totally unrealistic as a goal as well as being rather high-minded. We’re ill people and how many times have we wanted to deck people that have tried to jolly us into feeling better?! So, I’ve been writing the odd realistic piece about my thoughts and experiences, but as singular pieces without any kind of context, they can come across as totally negative and bleak.

Today I was looking through the site and reading through older posts and I realised that the site was meant to be about my life with ME. I remember when I first got ill, not only was it an alien concept to me that anyone else in the world could be feeling as I did, but when I realised there were others out there, I wanted to know how they lived day to day. This is meant to be my life with ME, so let me try to show you a piece of that.

So, let me stop here, and get started on the first post! I swear, I’m so used to making empty promises and goals, but I really hope this one sticks!

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