I had a different post written for today, however I wanted my last post of 2014 to be something different. The end of the year usually results in us feeling anticipation and hope for the coming year. I also always find myself reflecting on the twelve months that have just passed by. It’s been quite a ride, but then again, I feel like I say that every year. 2014 was very difficult in a lot of respects, as I had to deal with increasingly bad health, as did many of those I love. I began the year making plans to move into a home with much needed more space, but that did not transpire. Even while dealing with my own physical limitations, I attempted to expand my writing and to take on more and more work. Then in September I lost my furry saviour Masti, even though he was only nine years old, which is not very old for a German Shepherd. Losing him has been a blow of epic proportions and even though he is not the first dog I have lost, I still find myself dealing with the sadness of him not being here anymore.
It has undoubtedly been a year of more lows than highs, and yet I still find myself thinking 2014 was a good one. Nope, I didn’t turn into some masochist, pain and sorrow loving crazy person. I feel like I’ve found a stability and serenity inside that was not there in previous years. I’ve stopped questioning the ‘whys’ of everything and instead find myself looking for solutions. When one thing after another seems to go wrong, it can be so easy to get stuck in the “Why me?” or “I can’t deal with this!” zones. Maybe it’s just getting older or perhaps it’s when you’ve had so much shit thrown at you, you reach a point where no more can stick. I don’t know, all I know is that I find myself dealing with everything better and just feeling happier and better within myself.
I’m also so much more grateful for the good things and great people in my life. What this means is that for the first time ever I have real hope for the coming year. Not the kind where I’m wishing that things will go my way, because let’s face it, that’s not likely to happen. Instead I feel the real, solid variety of hope, where I feel confident that no matter what happens at the very least I can deal with it and at the most, I’ll be able to find a positive (you know I hate that word, and I’m not talking about silver linings here) and take advantage of the situation. I’ve stopped fighting myself I guess and so my fervent desire for 2015 is to continue to stay out of my own way.
Tomorrow a new year starts and I can tell you one thing, I am rearing to get going! But I will tell you more about those plans next time.
Until then, I wish you strength, happiness and peace in 2015! Stay warm, stay safe and I hope you have a fabulous last night of 2014.